


Just Willie

by WhatsYourNameMan



Series: It’s not Sunset Cis either [12]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Death tagged bc Willie’s is briefly mentioned, Fluff, M/M, Nonbinary Character, None of the Phantoms are cis and I think that’s beautiful, Questioning, Rated T for language, Trans Alex Mercer, Trans Character, Trans Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Trans Reggie Peters, Willie character study, he/they willie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:42:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28334067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatsYourNameMan/pseuds/WhatsYourNameMan
Summary: It’s funny, Willie thinks, that even though his boyfriend is trans, even though Luke and Reggie, whom Willie’s come to see as family, are trans, it’s not any of them that wakes him up to the fact that he might not actually be cis. It’s Julie Molina, world renowned for her uncanny ability to change the lives (and/or deaths) of everyone around her.
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina & Willie
Series: It’s not Sunset Cis either [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022667
Comments: 38
Kudos: 246





	Just Willie

**Author's Note:**

> Very minor content warnings for mentions of Willie’s death, a very vague mention of era-typical homophobia, and some minor mentions of dysphoria. 
> 
> If you haven’t read the rest of the series, all you need to know is that Willie lives with Tía Victoria after she exorcised Caleb (in “Dance, Dance”). 
> 
> A_Tomb_With_A_View has been writing a lot of he/they Willie lately and that sparked this little ditty.

Willie has always been confident in his identity. Even growing up in the stifling social atmosphere of the 70s and 80s, his sense of self never wavered. He knew he liked boys from a young age, and it was never something he felt the need to hide. His parents didn’t exactly appreciate it, but Willie didn’t exactly care. 

Their concern only grew as Willie grew up and into himself, discovering new things about the way he liked to look. To them, Willie appeared feminine, but Willie didn’t quite understand why. He was aware of the world, of course, and he heard the words thrown at him, but they never really connected. He didn’t look the way he did because he was feminine. He had long hair because he liked running his fingers through it; he wore crop tops because the breeze on his stomach when he was skateboarding felt amazing; he wore a lot of jewelry because each piece meant something to him. If those sent any other signals to people about his gender or sexuality, he didn’t really care. Besides, among the skaters and punks he surrounded himself with, none of those things were indicators of femininity _or_ masculinity. They were just objective facts about a person. That’s how Willie liked to think of himself. He wasn’t masculine or feminine, he just _was_.

Then one day he got hit by a car, and suddenly he _wasn’t._

The first two years of his afterlife were spent haunting various skateparks and museums, occasionally observing his friends and family from afar. He visited his cousin, April, a lot at first, but eventually it became too painful to watch his best friend move on and grow up without him. 

Two weeks after he decided to stop visiting April, Willie met Caleb Covington. It was perhaps a little too easy for him to charm Willie into signing away his soul, but Willie tried not to think about it too much. He loved the Hollywood Ghost Club. He loved having a community he could interact with, loved talking to lifers who could teach him new things about the world. 

He learned a lot from them, especially as the nineties crawled to an end and the new millennium began. He started to meet people who used terms like _non-binary_ , _agender_ , and _genderfluid_. He was intrigued by these terms, and he wanted to learn more, but it was usually just so he could better understand his new friends. It never really occurred to him to evaluate how those terms might apply to him. 

After decades, Willie met Alex Mercer, and it felt like a missing piece of himself finally clicked into place. Alex made him realize there could be a whole lot more to the afterlife than the Club, and when that world came crashing down around him, Alex helped him build a new one. 

It’s funny, Willie thinks, that even though his boyfriend is trans, even though Luke and Reggie, whom Willie’s come to see as family, are trans, it’s not any of them that wakes him up to the fact that he might not actually be cis. It’s Julie Molina, world renowned for her uncanny ability to change the lives (and/or deaths) of everyone around her. 

“Willie, come look at this!” she calls. 

They’re at a small punk thrift shop, one of Alex, Luke, and Reggie’s favorite places in life. It somehow survived this long, so they make a point to come almost every week. Willie always joins, and Julie and Flynn come when they don’t have school. Today’s a Saturday, so they have the whole gang spread out around the shop, picking out clothes for each other. 

Willie wanders over to Julie. “Whatcha got for me?” 

She holds up a pleated skirt, which has been bleached and tie-dyed to give it a really cool DIY look. “This would go so well with your shirt.” 

Willie blinks at her, unsure how to react. It’s not that he’s opposed to the idea of wearing a skirt. It’s just... never occurred to him that he could. For most of his existence, his standard for buying (or stealing) clothes was _Can I skate in this?_ Skirts, on their own, are a no, as a lot of his tricks would lead to him exposing more than he would care to, so he’s just never considered them an option. Lately, though, he’s been doing a lot more than skating, like dates and concerts and family events, so maybe it’s worth a try? 

Julie senses his hesitance. “You don’t like it?”

“No, I do,” Willie blurts out, realizing that he really means it. “I’ve just never worn a skirt before.” 

“Oh,” Julie says, lowering the skirt. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” 

“You’re good, Jules,” Willie says, laying a hand on her arm so she’ll know he’s sincere. “I think I want to try it.” 

She beams and hands him the hanger, then grabs his hand and pulls him towards the dressing room in the back. Willie steps inside and pulls the door closed behind him. He keeps his back turned to the mirror as he sheds his ripped jeans and slides the skirt on. He takes a deep breath, and turns to face his reflection. 

As soon as he lays eyes on himself, a little voice in the back of his head goes, _Oh,_ there _you are._

Objectively, it’s not a big change. He still has his messy bun, his ancient white Vans t-shirt, his key necklace, his neon socks that Flynn always teases him for. But the skirt sort of brings it all together in a way that makes him look at himself with new eyes. He’s been around for a long time, forty-eight years to be exact, and in all that time, with the exception of the required formalwear at the Club, he’s really only ever dressed for comfort and functionality. He _is_ happy that way—happy to just exist— but this is the first time he’s considered dressing to be bold. To deliberately play with those gender norms he’s never really had any regard for. While his crop tops and jewelry were viewed as more androgynous in skater circles, a skirt is a deliberately feminine choice. It feels new, and exciting, and scary, and he loves it. 

“How does it feel?” Julie calls. “Can I see?”

Willie sucks in a deep breath and opens the dressing room door. Julie squeals when she sees him. “You look so good! Do you like it?”

Willie looks back at his reflections and nods. “I really, really do.”

Alex chooses this moment to wander over with a sparkly jacket in his hands. “Hey Jules, how do you feel about— “ He freezes when he sees Willie, his jaw dropping to the ground. 

Willie feels his face heat up. “What do you think?”

Alex eyes flicker down to Willie’s exposed legs, his cheeks turning bright red. “I— um—“

Flynn appears behind Alex and waves a hand in front of his face. He doesn’t react. “Damn, Willie, you broke him.” 

Willie laughs, but it wavers nervously. He crosses his arms, running his thumb over his bicep. The movement is enough to snap Alex out of his stupor. 

“Willie,” he breathes, taking his boyfriend’s hands in his own and gently uncrossing his arms, “you look so beautiful.”

“Yeah?” Willie asks, and Alex nods enthusiastically. “Thanks, Hotdog.”

“Okay, add this to the purchase pile,” Julie says, gesturing at the skirt. “This is everything we never knew we needed.” 

_Yeah,_ Willie thinks as he retreats back into the dressing room, _it kind of is._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Willie is obsessed with his new skirt. The first time he wears it to one of the band’s gigs in exhilarating. He rides the euphoria for a full week afterwards. He asks Tía to take him shopping for a couple more. He doesn’t plan to wear them super often, as they’re still not really conducive to skating unless he wears shorts beneath them, and he likes having the option to skate away at any time. But for times he knows he’s safe, like Molina family events, and more low-key dates with Alex, or even fancier sit-down dates, they’re perfect. Willie feels refreshed, almost like a new person.

There is one issue, though. Over the weeks following that thrift shop visit, Willie can’t stop thinking about all those terms he learned at the Club. They dance around his head almost constantly. The initial shock that it took him this long to consider any of them eventually fades into frustration. He understands the words, and there are definitely parts of each of them that he relates to, but none of them feel _right_. He looks in the mirror and tries out each of the terms, but nothing feels as good as seeing himself in that skirt for the first time. He hates this; hates feeling this uncertainty. Even at the most uncertain points in his existence, like those first two years of death, or after Caleb’s exorcism, Willie still had his identity to hold onto. Now, he’s not so sure, and it really fucking sucks.

It comes to a head while he’s on a date with Alex. They’re walking through a park hand in hand after their picnic, Willie in a new baby pink skirt that matches Alex’s hoodie. Alex is rambling about Luke and Reggie’s latest antics. Willie’s not fully listening, and he doesn’t think he should be blamed for that. After all, the way the sunset hits Alex’s hair and eyes, giving them that golden glow, is pretty damn distracting. 

“Anyways, Reggie found all these pre-transition photos, and he thinks we should use them as an album cover, but Luke would rather die—well, you know what I mean. The last thing he wants is for anyone to see him with long hair. So they got into this big fight, but because they’re them, they decided to settle it by having a Guitar Hero tournament with Carlos as the judge, but they both _suck_ at video games so it just made them both even more frustrated. I tried to be the voice of reason and remind them that Bobby is in most of those photos, so we can’t use them anyway, but no one ever listens to me.” 

Willie snaps to attention. “I listen to you, Hotdog.” 

“Yeah,” Alex snorts. “I know that look in your eyes. No way you heard what I just said.”

“In my defense,” Willie says, “you’re really handsome.”

“That’s a pretty good defense,” Alex laughs.

“I did hear what you said, though,” Willie admits. “You were talking about pre-transition photos and Guitar Hero.”

“Well done,” Alex says, with a fond eye roll. “You want a medal?”

“No,” Willie giggles, “dating you is enough of a prize.”

“You’re suck a dork,” Alex says, shoving his shoulder into Willie’s side.

“But you love me,” Willie retorts. 

“Yeah,” Alex says with all the sincerity in the world. “I do.” 

They walk in comfortable silence for a few minutes, but Willie’s head is racing. He knows he should talk to Alex about his mini-crisis, and Alex was just talking about trans stuff, so maybe this is a good window to bring it up. But they kind of just had a moment, and Willie doesn’t want to ruin that.

“You’re quiet,” Alex notes. “What’re you thinking about?”

Willie meets his eyes, and he makes his decision. This is Alex. He can talk to him about anything. “How— I mean, tell me if this isn’t a cool question to ask, but how did you know you were trans?”

Alex hums, which has kind of become their code for _Your question was fine, I just need a minute to think about it_. “It was hard,” he admits. “I could pass pretty well for a straight girl, what with the pink and the dancing and the liking guys. There were some big clues, like how my hair sometimes felt like it was suffocating me, or how I couldn’t stand to look at certain parts of my body. But a lot of it was just piecing together smaller things. And with some of it, it was more about what felt good than what felt bad, you know? Like, I never really realized how _wrong_ being called ‘she’ felt until I realized how _right_ it felt when Luke called me ‘bro.’ I don’t know. Does that make sense?” 

Willie nods. “Yeah, it does.” He squeezes Alex’s hand. “Thanks for telling me.”

“Why did you want to know?” Alex asks, and Willie senses the hidden question beneath it, but he’s not really ready to answer that until Alex asks outright. 

“Just thinking about things,” Willie says. 

“Do you think you might be trans?” There it is. 

“I don’t know,” Willie admits. “I know I’m definitely not a girl, but I don’t really know if I’m a guy either? But all the words for in-between or both or neither, none of them feel right either. I don’t really care how people see me, or what words they use for me. Like, people call me ‘bro’ and ‘dude’ and ‘man’ all the time, and it’s fine, but I’d be equally fine if they called me ‘sis,’ you know?” He shrugs. “I’ve never really thought of myself as a guy or a girl, or anything else. I’m just... Willie.” 

Alex stops walking and pulls Willie around so they’re facing each other. “For what it’s worth,” he says, “I think just Willie is the best thing you could possibly be.” 

Willie could propose to Alex on the spot. Instead, he opts for pulling him into a kiss he hopes conveys all the love and belonging he felt in Alex’s statement. Alex tangles his fingers in Willie’s hair, tugging it out of its bun. His other hand finds the waistband of Willie’s skirt and Willie is completely overwhelmed with how _right_ he feels in this moment. 

“I love you,” Willie breathes when they finally come up for air, “so fucking much.” 

“I love you too,” Alex grins. He pulls Willie over to a nearby bench and sits both of them down, grabbing both of Willie’s hand with his own and tangling their fingers together. “I meant what I said,” he says. “You don’t have to pick a label. It’s absolutely okay to just be you.” 

Willie nods. “I know you’re right. I guess I just needed to hear someone else say it. You, specifically,” he adds with a little laugh. 

Alex grins and runs a thumb over Willie’s knuckles. “Is there anything you want me to do differently? Like pronouns, or calling you something other than my boyfriend?” 

“First of all, don’t call me anything but ‘boyfriend’ unless it’s ‘husband,’ someday,” Willie says, only half-joking. He smirks at the blush this earns from Alex. “I guess I wouldn’t mind if you used they/them pronouns occasionally, just to try it, but I like ‘he.’ I’ve just always been ‘he.’ Like I said, I don’t really care what other people call me.”

“Do you want the others to know?”

“I might tell Tía,” Willie shrugs, “but for now I think it’s enough for just you to know.” 

“Well, I’m honored,” Alex says, pressing a kiss to the back of Willie’s hand. 

“You should be,” Willie grins. 

They sit there together for a peaceful moment, just looking into each other’s eyes, until Alex shatters it with a sudden laugh. 

“What’s so funny?” Willie asks. 

“Nothing, it’s just—“ Alex regains his composure. “On our first museum date you told me you just like breaking the rules. You even broke gender.” 

Willie giggles. “I guess I did, huh?” 

“Pretty badass, if you ask me.” Alex leans his head onto Willie’s shoulder, and sitting there, watching the sunset with the boy he loves more than anything in the world, Willie is once again washed over with the feeling of this being _right_. Completely and totally _right_.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the only fic in this series besides Not a Bad Eternity that wasn’t named after a song, so I’m gonna give you one to go with this: “They/Them/Theirs” by Worriers.
> 
> I’m wr0temyway0ut on tumblr if you want to come chat about these ghosties or send prompts/requests. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are very much appreciated :)


End file.
